THE State Security Service (SSS) has placed the $620,000 bribe money taken by Farouk Lawan on the most wanted list. This is the first time that money instead of a criminal is placed on the list. Anyone who gives useful information on its whereabouts would be entitled to one-week special SSS protection by Ms SSS herself, Marilyn Ogar.
Meanwhile, a trends analyst has suggested three paths Farouk can take to freedom and one path the police can take.
•Don’t release the money. When they charge you to court, use $50,000 from it and bribe the judge. Then live happily ever after in Nigeria. I repeat: In Nigeria. If you go to Dubai or London, you’re on your own.
•Have faith that the case will die, and then use the money afterwards to pursue your 2015 Kano governorship campaign. After all, a governor from the South East won his election even though he was in police custody on Election Day.
•Nigerians love entertainment. Win back their heart by doing another reality show just like the subsidy probe you conducted. Liaise with DSTV and do a show titled: Who’s gat da dollars?
For the police, just one advice: Partner with the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency (NDLEA) to detain Farouk Lawan and give him the Baba Suwe treatment. Inspect his faeces because it is only logical that eating the money raw is the next step to placing it on his head as he’s alleged to have done.